Channeling Salt-N-Pepa: Let's Talk About Sex

"Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let's talk about it."

- Salt-N-Pepa, August 6, 1991

The era of COVID has elongated the list of "things that need to be done" before engaging in sex. Remember when all we needed before sex was a condom and a little privacy? Today requires that, still, and equally as important, you'll need a mask and a COVID test before and/or afterward). This is our new normal, don't let it kill your vibe. Human touch enriches our lives; therein we are fruitful and thrive. But how do we move past our obsession with the pandemic and masks, towards (what sounds like) fish & bass?

1. Role Play. Put on an open-faced robe, wear no shirt, and don your abs; play the part of a superhero, since you must wear a mask. Right? Play the cop who catches the robber; then to the bed do pin. Or dress up like an innocent and ride it like a jockey trying to win. It's good for your internal health. Get it on (the mask, that is).

2. Have someone's back. Who doesn't like to be supported? Use the COVID era to get behind your favorite mate as not to breathe directly into their face. This particular choice of intimate dance reminds me of "the bunny hop." Remember that?

Try to focus on the 2-person hop for right now. In a world of "necessary contact tracing," be mindful of who and how many people you are hopping with, Carlton.

3. Dance like no one is watching. I've polled a few singles that have sworn themselves to a life of celibacy during this era. 'No one is laying a hand on their front or backside' -- and that's alright, as well. We've all danced alone from time to time no judgment. Celibacy is a safe route when human touch presents jeopardy.

If celibacy isn't cutting it and an actual rug is necessary, I suggest buddying up and wearing a bunny suit. However, bunny suits are in high demand right now, so you'll have to settle for a condom, a mask, latex gloves, goggles, and some form of the bunny hop dance; because face-to-face interaction is just not safe.

4. Sex yields to orgasms. Orgasms are an internal workout for your organs. We all want to be in tip-top shape, inside and out. Cardio is for your external fitness, whereas orgasms are for your internal health. Always stay in shape the best and safest way possible.

5. Sex is a natural animalistic act. Mammals are animals, so if you have children who are human, talk to them about sex, too. Being curious should cost no one their good health. Sex is a part of good health, so gather the family around and jam out to Salt & Pepa. It's time to talk about it.